Running Thoughts

Something is off and I don’t know where to go to let it out. I have spoken with a friend about it and it was brushed off. Wasn’t the friend I should have gone to but needed to get it out.  Either way it didn’t make me feel better…

So I turn here without writing anything for well over a year. Still can’t remember the last post I had. But this one will be filled with rambling because I just need to write some shit while I think.  This should actually be written in my journal for my counselor to read but I needed something new.

My brain won’t shut off. I have not slipped into my depressive stat (yet) but I feel like it is coming. I know what I need to do to get over it: be in the moment, identify my feelings, own my feelings, FEEL my feelings,…

That last one is the tricky one. It’s the hardest on the list. By feeling my feelings, I feel the hurt. And honestly why would someone want to feel that over and over again?!?! Idk. I guess it’s suppose to help but I can’t seem to get to that point.

I just wish I knew what was wrong with me. I’m a good person. Caring, loyal, forgiving. I communicate, show love and am committed to those I care about.

I love those that are in my life, supporting me and loving me. Do not mistake this as me saying I have no one, because I do. And I am grateful!

But I still feel alone. I still feel hurt. I feel….. It’s painful.