The Worst Thing In Life

The Worst/hardest thing in life is knowing you are the cause of your kids’ pain. There is no dispute on this if you ask me.

Being the reason your kids are crying is like taking a full knife to your chest trying to cut out your heart. It is awful. It is painfull for everyone involved. It is the absolute worst feeling you could possibly have. It fucking sucks.

Tonight I had to tell my kids that their mom and dad are not going to be married anymore and it completely broke my heart. I knew it wouldn’t be easy but it was a billion times harder than I would have thought it would have been, and I expected the worst….

To see my babies cry was awful. Knowing it was me (and their mom) made it even worse. I hate when my babies are sick or sad or in any kind of pain. It is the hard for me to feel helpless. I was helpless in this situation too but I still feel like shit.

They are innocent. They didn’t have anything to do with this. They are my world. They have been the only thing I have been able to think about since all this started. And yet I couldn’t help them. I couldn’t make it better. I know it’s not my fault but it still hurts. It cuts so deep.

I just want to curl up into a ball and go to sleep. I think I’ll drink for a bit instead.