Me, Myself, and I

I have made the decision to focus on myself.  I’m not doing to well to start off, but I’m determined.  It’s been an awful 2 years and I need to become a better person.  Whether everything I have been through is 100% my fault of not, the fact of the matter is, I am still at fault.  I need to be better for me.  I’m not a person who is good at focusing on me.  I am someone who always puts others before myself.  I take on their pain in hopes that they can have some relief.  But I can’t do it anymore.  I can’t bare that weight.  I have gotten to the point where I’m not sure how much of my own weight I can bare.

I decided to get the help that I believe that I need.  I am too much of a realist thinker.  I see a situation and analyze it and (think) I know how to deal with it.  I don’t.  I can’t know the answers anymore.  Not because the situation doesn’t make sense to me (because, believe me, it makes no sense in my head), but because I’m just not equipped to deal with it.  I need help to deal with my shit.  This has been a very difficult realization to come to that I can’t fix it.

I started seeing a counselor last week and I have to say that I am very excited to go back this week.  I desperately need to feel like myself again.  The biggest problem is, I don’t know who myself is anymore.  It hasn’t just been 2 years of not feeling like myself and me being unhappy, but the last 2 years have been hell.

I do not feel very good about myself and I have really been a disappointment.  No one should go through life feeling this way; so I decided to make a change.  If nothing else, I will be happy to just figure out things about me.  We’ll see how it goes.

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Me, Myself, and I

  1. Maria says:

    Rocco I’m glad you made the decision to see someone to help figure out things and get your life to the way you wish it to be..
    I’m looking forward to hearing about your process and experiences. Hugs.

    • Thank you Maria! Looking back, i don’t know why iwaited so long but I’m glad imade this decision.

      • Maria says:

        You’re welcome. It’s not an easy decision to make and can be quite frightening. You took the decision when you were ready and that’s great because therapy works best this way. Good luck my friend.

  2. Michelle says:

    I’m glad you’re in counseling. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. I read this and all I want to do is give you a hug and make you some soup or something.

    I have confidence that you will come out on the other side, my friend, and it will be better..more peaceful. I am so pulling for you.

    • Thanks Michelle. And I could feel the hug through the computer (not literally because that would just be weird). I know I will come out on the other side. It’s the getting there that’s the tough part. Thanks for the support!

  3. whatthemicah says:

    Not sure how I missed this post. I know I don’t need to comment for you to know how I feel about this but here goes anyway.

    I’m proud of you, brother, for making the decision to take care of you for a change. You are a great man and we can all lose sight of that from time to time. Keep on the path you’ve laid out for yourself and if your legs ever get tired and you can’t take another step just let me know and I’ll carry you for awhile.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s