The Dark Is Just Behind Me

To say the least, this was one of my most rollercoster years in the 27 trips I’ve taken around on this rock.  I feel like I’ve hit every low I possibly could followed by some ups along the way.

I had my 27th birthday a few weeks ago.  I know I’m not that old and, in fact, I’m not at all.  I am actually quite young.  This post isn’t about turning another year older, though.  Although, I do feel like this year has added more than a year to my life.

Really the last few years have been difficult and I keep thinking to myself “January 1st! Things will be better this year! I just know it! I declare this “The year of Rocco” (see George from Seinfeld with modifications.  It didn’t work out for him so I don’t know why I thought it would be different for me).”  It has not been the year of Rocco.  It has never been “The Year of Rocco.”

I think that some people just aren’t lucky enough to have things go right for them.  I don’t know if this is the case or if some people just seem to make the best of everything.  Either way, I feel like my life has been STRESSFUL and I’m only 27.

The hardest time for me was in early spring.  Actually, half of February and all of March was the worst of it.  I lost my job, went back to work for them, fell off a ladder and broke my arm and split my nose wide open, along with some other personal issues.  It was rough to say the least.  I was in the most physical AND emotional pain I have ever been in in my life.

I’ve mostly gotten over a lot of it.  I still have some terrible flashbacks from falling and just feel like I want to cry when I remember that time that was not so long ago.  However, I don’t cry.  I haven’t been able to for years now.  On day I just wasn’t able to.  So now I just have to deal with it.

Since the end of May things have been somewhat better.  I’ve been working again (which is good but I have a lot of problems with the situation that may be written in a different post at a later date), my family is healthy and I’m kind of back on track with my bills.  Hopefully things are back on the right track for me.

I’m going to make the added effort to believe that I can make my own luck.  I’m going to believe that I will MAKE next year MY year.  I’m going to work on my possitive thoughts so that I can stop thinking of “the darkness”.  I’m going to be a better me.

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2 thoughts on “The Dark Is Just Behind Me

  1. ragemichelle says:

    Rocco…happy birthday.

    As you know, I have kids your age…and at the risk of sounding condescending, because I really DON’T want to come off that way…the fact is..life is hard.

    It’s really hard.

    Bad things happen, sometimes bad things happen that are so horrible that you feel like you can’t endure them.

    But then we do.

    The thing about life, is that it’s gonna keep kicking you..shit always hits the fan. Cars break down. Jobs end. People die.

    What we do have are moments. Moments when we watch a movie that makes us laugh. Or we look at our children and marvel at how beautiful and funny and amazing they are. We feel a breeze or eat a steak or drink bourbon until the buzzing in our brains quiet down.

    I’ve been where you are. I remember when I got divorced (the first time) and telling myself that 1990 was going to be MY year…everything was going to be GREAT.

    1990 sucked ass. I felt cheated. It wasn’t supposed to be that way…it was not FAIR!! I deserved a good year!

    I’ve since given that up…trying to predict the future. I’ve had years since that made 1990 look like a day at the beach…and I’ve had some amazing years…

    Mostly though..it’s the moments. There are always good moments.

    That being said…I truly hope your 2014 is filled with more good moments than bad. 🙂

    • Thanks as always Michelle! I know next year won’t be perfect or even a walk at on the beach. I’m just making the decision to stop dwelling in things and make the most of everything. Or at least I’m going to try my hardest. Thank you so much for the encouraging words!

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